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wanna leave me a note? holla if you hear me! pop some popcorn, it's movie time the royal tenenbaums ghost world lost in translation e.t. donnie darko cds glued in my cd player the shins::chutes too narrow grandaddy::sumday outkast::speakerboxxx/ the love below blondie::parallel lines iggy & the stooges::raw power let's cozy up with a good book 32 stories secret history pride & prejudice sputnik sweetheart same difference & other stories bored with my shit? check out these sites aloha counting crows dc4c delia's m. doughty hello kitty kempa kith kubbes matador modest mouse polyvinyl radiohead rainer maria red hot chili peppers sigur ros sloan small stories stinkweeds =w= webmonkey read all about it! witch-baby stomper4x4 jrjunebug fanmail j-ku crzyjessie |
Just the Smelll of the Summer Can Make Me Fall in Love... 2002-04-16::2:46 p.m. Oh My God. It is a million degrees outside. Seriously though, it is 84 in D-town today. Can you fucking believe that? It's April 16 for Christ's sake! I am such a hot sweaty bingo grandma today. Thank God it's going to cool down again soon. So, I just got back from WSU. I had to go down and have some professors sign my drop slips. It really was an emotional rollercoaster today. On one hand, I was so glad that I wouldn't have to deal with all of the usual WSU bullshit anymore, but on the other, I was really sad to be leaving behind my academic life. The worst was going to see my film professor, she almost made me cry. She was so concerned about me leaving the class, and was even willing to work out a way for me to make up the work I had missed, but I just couldn't take her up on her offer. Maybe I should have tried to work things out, maybe I should have tried harder to stick out the rest of the semester, but I just couldn't. My life at Wayne is over. However, just because my life at Wayne is over, doesn't mean I am giving up on college altogether. I know now, given my myriad of feelings today, that I really will go back to school, it just won't be Wayne State. I just need to find someplace where I can make the most out of my education, and learn what I want to learn, and be proud of my accomplishments, and Wayne just wasn't that place for me. I only had a handful of classes that I was really excited about, and a handful of professors who I really felt were excellent. If the majority of my classes had been as fulfilling as my philosophy or film classes, or every professor as great as Professor Townsend, or Corvino, then my life at Wayne would have been drastically different, and I actually would have gotten something out of it. Instead, I was depressed, and lost pride in myself and my accomplishments, to the point where I hated school, and put in as little effort as possible. Although this has been a tough decision, I am confident I have made the right one, and I look forward to transfering to a school which will get me excited about learning again, and make up for the time I've lost at Wayne. God, I am sorry, that was a really dorky paragraph wasn't it? Okay, enough of all of this heavy stuff, time to talk about fun things. Saturday night, I went to The Bang! again with Katie. We had fun dancing, but I think the heat took some of the enjoyment out of the evening for both of us. Also, Katie was feeling pretty sickly (I really hope she gets to the doctor's a.s.a.p.), and there weren't as many kids there as last time, so I think we both were not too upset when the Ann Arbor po-po's stepped in and cut the night short. Sunday was also an exciting day, as I went with Jay and Heidi to try out for a play called "No Comment," at the Theatre Guild of Livonia Redford. Only Jay and I tried out- Heidi came along for moral support, and given her past theatre experience, she thinks we'll both get parts. I am not holding my breath waiting for them to call though, as I am a horrible actress. I think Jay has a good shot at getting a part though- he really did a good job, especially considering that it was his first audition ever, and no, I am not saying that just because I kinda have a crush on him. Anyway, wish us luck. Speaking of crushes, one of mine has pulled ahead of the others. Can you guess which one? If you guessed Sean, you would be correct. Why Sean? I am not sure exactly, maybe it is because I am the most comfotable around him, or maybe it is because I had a dirty dream with him in it the other night! I don't know what is wrong with me, I can count the number of sexual dreams I have had in my life on one hand, and in the last week, I have had two. The funny thing about these dreams, is that I never really have sex with anyone in them, it is just all of the stuff leading up to it that I dream about. Little more info than you cared to read about? Sorry. The sad part of this whole crush on Sean is, as JAlsup has put it, "For a crush to be a good crush, you have to trick yourself into believing that the boy you are crushing on likes you back." And it's true. I am dillusional, and can convince myself that there is a slight possibilty that my crushes like me. The thing is, I know in the back of my head I am lying to myself, still it happens anyway. The next step in the crush cycle after making yourself believe there is any chance in the world that the other person likes you back, is to try to find out how they really do feel about you. This is attempted in a number of ways. As an example, with my crush on Sean, I have chosen to A) be more flirty and talkative than usual, and B) let it slide to our mutual friends that I may be interested in him. Like yesterday, the other boys on the music team and I started a conversation about dreams we have had about people at work, which actually wasn't instigated by me at all, and so I found it the perfect opportunity to let this dream I had about Sean out of the bag. Of course he'll find out about it later, which, in a sad, pathetic way, is really the point of telling them in the first place. Convinced I am crazy? Me too. Just promise to visit me and Anne Heche, (it's only a matter of time before she loses it again), when they lock us up, ok? |
