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wanna leave me a note? holla if you hear me! pop some popcorn, it's movie time the royal tenenbaums ghost world lost in translation e.t. donnie darko cds glued in my cd player the shins::chutes too narrow grandaddy::sumday outkast::speakerboxxx/ the love below blondie::parallel lines iggy & the stooges::raw power let's cozy up with a good book 32 stories secret history pride & prejudice sputnik sweetheart same difference & other stories bored with my shit? check out these sites aloha counting crows dc4c delia's m. doughty hello kitty kempa kith kubbes matador modest mouse polyvinyl radiohead rainer maria red hot chili peppers sigur ros sloan small stories stinkweeds =w= webmonkey read all about it! witch-baby stomper4x4 jrjunebug fanmail j-ku crzyjessie |
Me miss Maria and Munich 2001-03-19::12:45:18 I cried myself to sleep last night. I used to have this problem when I was little. I used to come home from birthday parties and sleepovers and cry myself to sleep because I missed my friends and all the fun we had the night before. That's what happened last night. I got home from Germany on Saturday night, and after 15 minutes of being home with my family, I wanted to be back in Munich. This trip was very emotional for me. When I left for Munich I started getting teary-eyed in the airport because I didn't want to leave home. There was so much going on here when I left with school, and work, and I was grieving over Wayne and my friend's dad was ill, and I was just worried about leaving everyone. And then I was worried about the trip itself. I was going to visit a friend I hadn't seen in six months, and I had no idea what to expect. I was worried about her having changed, and about fitting in with her friends, and about the language barrier. Once I got there though, everything was cool. I missed my friend Maria so much, and it was so good to see her, and I was relieved to find out that she hadn't completely changed her personality. Then I met her friends, and was happy because they were all really nice and cool, and made the effort to speak English with me, and helped me feel at home in their city. There was even a boy there that I took a liking to, and who seemed to like me, and even though nothing came out of it, it was nice because I am not a girl that boys pay attention to, or smile at, or steal looks at, and this boy did all of these things. And so, I ended up having a really excellent time in Munich, and for two weeks I put all of the problems waiting for me at home on the back-burner and allowed myself to have fun. And I needed it. So, when Saturday morning came, I was really sad to leave everything behind. My friend won't be home until August, and it is very unlikely that I will make it out to Munich to see her again before she comes home, so I have to wait another 6 months to see her again. And I will most likely never see her friends that I met ever again, and that is a very depressing thought, because I really liked all of them. And so Saturday I came home, and for the most part I was just relieved to be with my family and to be able to sleep in my own bed. Things weren't that simple for long though, because I found out shortly after I got home that night that my friend Katie's father, who was ill when I left, had died this past week and that I had missed the funeral. And well, that sent me back to reality. I was home, and now I had to deal with all of the problems I had forgotten about over the last two weeks. I have a friend who is grieving to console now, and this has brought back all kinds of feelings about Wayne that I thought I had worked through. And I have to go back to school and work this week, and I have two exams I am not prepared for in the least, and all I want to do is just go back to Munich and not deal with any of it. The only thing that is keeping me grounded is my friends, I missed them all so much while I was gone, and so it was good to come home to them, but I am distressed, because I can't get a hold of my friend Jenny at all, and she was the first person I wanted to talk to when I got home. And so last night I was all sad because I couldn't get a hold of her, and I was thinking about Wayne, and I was missing Maria and Munich and all of the people I met there, and I was frustrated with myself for not being able to concentrate enough to study, and so I just laid in my bed in the dark and cried myself to sleep. How pathetic, I know, but I just want everything to be simple for just once. I am just so sick of feeling stressed out and depressed, and now that I am home, that is all that I feel. Jenny's play is this weekend, and hopefully if things work out like they are supposed to, I won't have to work this Saturday and I can go up to see her play and spend time with her and my friends, Kelly and Katie, and distance myself a little from all of this shit again. |
